Conflict

So maybe you're in conflict with a family member, friend, or co-worker. You think they're wrong; they think you're wrong. Maybe they're being belligerent, aggressive, hostile. And you, not wanting to be a pushover, are preparing to push back.

You can push back, of course. But to what end? You're reciprocal act of self-assertion is a summons to a fight, and a fight is what you'll have. Part of you would like that. There's part of you that thinks at a very primitive level. "Eye for an eye." It's a trap and it'll make you part of the universal spiral of conflict and violence that's plagued us for millennia.

You must find another way. And that other way doesn't mean being passive, a pushover, a doormat.

No, it means letting go of your attachment to being right, proving the other wrong. It means learning how to see what is really true, sticking with the real facts--not your illusions, opinions, or perspective. And speaking that truth in a way that helps the other let go of their attachment too. If you need to be right, you're already in a trap. But a commitment to "the truth will set you (both) free" (John 8.32).

But that commitment to truth requires you let go of your petty opinions.

Intention: Today, when I'm drawn into conflict over this or that, I'll take a deep breath in prayer, step back, let go of my need to give someone a piece of my mind, and seek a way to move toward a truth that's bigger than both of us.

Distraction

Next time you’re stopped at a stoplight, look around. Drivers are texting, fiddling with the radio, talking to someone beside them or someone at the other end of their cell phone. The man in the car beside you is shaving. The woman behind you is putting on makeup. It’s little wonder we live through our morning commute. Our distractedness has become an epidemic. How distracted are you? How hard is it for you to keep focused on the task you're supposed to be doing, the person before you? Or are you reaching to check your phone for texts, following your Facebook feed, or letting your mind flit to and fro between the many different things you have to do, the worries that crowd into your brain, or your dreams for an escape from the boredom that plagues you?

Distraction isn't a modern problem, but the level of our distractedness is.

The first step out of the problem is simply recognizing it and its effect on your life.

Intention: Today, I'll simply notice my distraction and the things that lure me away from what is real, what is right in front of me. And I won't judge myself for being distracted. Noticing it is enough for now. Changing it will come later.

Presence

People come to see me often carrying heavy burdens, frightening breeches in their self-confidence, debilitating brokenness. Early on, I thought my job was to fix them . . . of course, always with God's help. As I've aged, I've come to realize that while they want relief, I can't fix them. What's more, they don't want me to fix them. They want the dignity of fixing themselves . . . with God's help. What they need from me is a listening ear, a prayerful, sensitive heart, a mind alert to what's going on that they can't see. What they need is my blessing for the journey that must walk.

When it comes to that point in our relationship when the need for blessing opens up before us, I often open the Scriptures to the prophet Isaiah and read, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you," says GOD. "When you walk through the fire, the flame shall not consume you. You are precious to me, and honored, and I love you. Do not be afraid for I am with you" (43.2-5).

There is power in presence. Be a presence that blesses others today. Receive the blessing of another's presence today.

Intention: Today, I will embrace the presence of the One who loves me and walks with me. And when I meet someone in crisis or pain, I'll bless them with my presence and will avoid trying to fix them.

Laughter

The stuff that makes us so serious often isn't so serious to God. "Why do the nations conspire and the peoples plot in vain?" asks the psalmist. "The One who sits in the heavens laughs" (Psalm 2.1 and 4). That doesn't mean God doesn't care about what scares us, or worries us, or troubles us. It means that God sees things differently than we do. God has a longer and larger view.

That fact may bother us; we'd like God to care more about what worries and wounds us and our world. But who's to say God doesn't? Who can say for sure that God isn't caring in the best way God can care? Who can really say that God isn't working behind the scenes in ways that are better than the ways we'd devise?

You've been around those who are serious and concerned (and perhaps that makes them get involved in fighting what's wrong in the world). But while their serious concerns makes them energetic in righting wrongs, they're frankly a drag to be around. Their eyes don't shine, their words are hard, their touch isn't gentle.

God's levity in the midst of a world in pain might seem to us to be inappropriate. But isn't it possible that playfulness, humor, and lightness might have their own power in healing our hurts and righting what's wrong?

If we can let go our obsession with handwringing, maybe we'd be be able to better hear God's call and follow God's path as we participate in the Lord's mysterious, cosmic dance of life that's transforming our world.

Intention: Today, I'll let go of my grievances and grumbling. I'll smile a little more often. And I'll try to trust there's a mighty Hand at work behind what makes me feel powerless and angry. And I'll listen for the distant sounds of God's laughter.

The people who will help you most, aren't the ones you'd choose

The seventh in a series of posts on companionship and the spiritual journey.   Please pass along to those you consider companions on your journey into the fullness of God. As you journey forward, you’ll most likely want to choose your own companions. Who doesn’t? There are scoundrels out there, and who wants to spend a long journey side by side with someone whose personality’s as annoying as a garbage truck slamming dumpsters around outside your window at five in the morning?

I’ve come to learn that those who’ll help you most aren’t the ones you’d choose for yourself. So don’t go looking for your companions. Instead, keep focused on what you seek. Walk in the light that’s given you and remain open to God’s mischief along the way. The Holy Spirit will orchestrate surprise meetings with remarkable people traveling in the same direction. Some of them are already part of your life; you’ve just not yet recognized their gifts for your journey and yours for theirs. If you focus on trying to find the friends you think you need, you’ll miss those God’s already put right under your nose, as well as those God will bring you.

And don’t be fooled by the sometimes strange folk God brings your way; these companions might not fit in well at a dinner party back home, but in the mischief of God, they’re the ones who’ll bring you the comfort, humor, wisdom, safety, and challenge you’ll need along the road to God.