Seek the answer here

The life of prayer carries us into the way of the Cross. It's a stripping, a nakedness, and a dying.  But who wants that?   Nobody . . . unless letting go of all this also involves a receiving.  You'll only detach yourself from what you hold dear if there's a compensating attachment to Something greater. On this Good Friday (good, because the way of death leads to Something greater, the fulness of Life itself) here's is a meditation from St. Bonaventure that invites you onto this path.  This way of "darkness, not daylight," dying, silencing, and nothingness "carries the soul to God with intense fervor and glowing love."

If the conventional ways aren't working for you, if you know suffering and darkness, if death's come near, and what's dear to you has been pulled from your hands, if you've got more questions than answers . . . you're closer to God than you think.

Seek the answer in God's grace, not in doctrine; in the longing of will, not in the understanding; in the sighs of prayer, not in research; seek the bridegroom, not the teacher; darkness, not daylight; and look not ot the light but rather to the raging fire that carries the soul to God with intense fervor and glowing love. Let us die, then, and enter into the darkness, silencing our anxieties, our passions, and all the fantasies of our imagination.